Ridiculous But Historically Accurate Reasons for My Daughter’s Meltdowns, Volume 4

This may come as no surprise, but Stone Cold was [is] a sore loser. Hella bad. Like flip shit, furniture moving bad. I was the annoying “take my ball home so no one could continue playing after I left” kid.

As karma would have it, I passed that shitty trait on to my daughter. Stone Cold has been inches away from calling the cops on my child after a crushing loss in a game of Candyland. We put the city we live in at risk when we allow her to lose anything, so I can’t really support any gun control bills that won’t allow me to put her down if necessary.

Unfortunately, losing is only one of many things that set her off. The list of ridiculousness continues…..

1) When her toast is given to her with even a millimeter of un-melted butter.

2) Not being allowed outdoors in rain gear on the nicest day of the year.

3) Getting sand in her flip flops on the beach.

4) Her nail polish peeling after 48 hours or more….or less….or at all. Holy fuck.

5) When I refused to wager a 20th guess on what she had for school snack.

6) There not being enough water in the bathtub for her bath (it was almost overflowing).

7) Missing an opportunity to press the ‘WALK’ button at a traffic light.

8) Being told to put underwear on.

9) Being ignored by her infant brother.

10) Mommy’s choice of shoes for the day.

11) Mommy driving instead of daddy.

12) Getting denied a rematch in Candyland.

13) When lifeguards ask everyone to exit the swimming pool for routine breaks.