Ridiculous but Historically Accurate Reasons for My Daughter’s Meltdowns, Volume 1

Kids cry. They scream. They kick shit. They throw shit. They act a damn fool with good reason. Well, I assume in their heads they feel they are well within the realm of reason to raise all kinds of hell when something trivial happens. In front of a pair of normal, naked eyes, it looks as if stupid shit causes them to freak the fuck out while their parents feel as if someone is slowly inserting a rusty ice pick into their ear.

Stone Cold Daddy doesn’t know a hell of a lot, but I know every parent out there has a similar list of stupid shit that have blown the wheels off of their children’s paper thin composure. This is my ever-expanding list.

1) Not being allowed to do 20 sit ups instead of 5.

2) Failing to successfully put her socks in after attempting to do so for a whole 3.5 seconds.

3) Unsuccessfully closing her car door.

4) Being asked to extend common courtesy

5) When her parents make the mistake of referring to leggings as pants.

6) Being denied a 4th bandaid in under 12 hours for the same scratch-free area of her body

7) Complaining of being cold while naked but refusing to put on clothes because she is too cold to do so.

8) Being photographed without permission

9) Turning off her favorite songs in the car after she falls asleep.

10) Not bringing a snack in the car for her ride home from preschool even though she’ll be home in less than 5 minutes.

11) Apologies for shit that warrant legitimate apologies.

12) Not being able to find a particular cardigan of hers.

13) When Stone Cold forgot to bring her tap shoes to dance class although there are a chest of spare pairs there for this exact scenario.

14) People laughing when she does/says something laced with a fuckload of hilarity.

This concludes volume one…..you can expect more of these. Many fucking more.