Of course Stone Cold was in love with Mommy Cusses based on title alone before he read a syllable of the blog. Then he read her fucked up Mother’s Day card post and went into cardiac arrest laughing at the shit.
She swears, brings the wit, sharing her adventures in parenting and nerdville. An added bonus is her dropping of the term ‘gangster’ like hotcakes. You know I dig dat shit the most.
What I like: Reading around the blog and through her tweets gives me the impression that aside from a pinch of maturity, parenthood hasn’t altered her loveable personality at all. I’m confident of this even though I have no fucking clue who she is off-net.
What I love:Her Twitter account:
*me on deathbed*
Me: One more thing?
Me: Just try a bite?
4: How about a cookie instead?
Me: *yanks out my breathing tubes*
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 19, 2016
When dropping your child off at Grandma's, pin a $20 to his shirt, give kisses, slow down to a rolling stop & set them on the curb.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 15, 2016
That moment of panic when too much meat comes off your ribs and you have to sit there chewing as it hangs out of your mouth like an animal.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 14, 2016
A reenactment of birth that includes your child bursting out of a red velvet cake while screaming for Mother's Day.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 4, 2016
If you say something to your wife that should provoke anger but she starts laughing, run, bc she just thought up a clever way to murder you.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) April 25, 2016
A vagina shaped pinata for my child to destroy on his Bday because historical accuracy is important.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) April 20, 2016
What is dope: She plays video games. Fucking video games. Must be nice. Check her shit out.